choking and burping

i decided to start this blog today to chronicle my weight loss "journey" after having the lap band procedure almost two months ago.

i currently weigh 274 pounds. i cringe looking at that number. you have a moment of "how the fuck did it get so bad?" but its been many years and generations maybe in the making. my highest weight was 285. almost 300 pounds. jesus. i remember when i weighed 150 and i thought i was fat. i was a junior in high school.

the last time i really liked how my body looked i was about 23 and about 200 pounds. fat but i always carried it relatively well and exercised regularly so the fat was tight at least. or maybe i am fooling myself. more about that to come.

anyway, the point of this blog is to have a public diary (an oxymoron) of this process i am now going through.

the title of this post, "choking and burping," is literal. after having the lap band surgery, you go in about once a month to have the band tightened, which reduces your ability to eat or drink thus helping you lose weight. its a physical restriction - you literally cannot eat or drink past a certain (small) amount or you are in excrutiating pain or you throw up. the day you have the band tightened is the worst one. the process takes seconds but results in 24 - 48 hours of feeling like you are choking - even on your own saliva. i am thirsty but cannot drink. its kind of torture.

i start feeling like "i wish i didn't get this procedure, i cannot live like a normal person" but then i remember "oh right, but i was out of control, huge and needed help". i cannot help feeling a bit pathetic on fill day. just so physically uncomfortable and THIRSTY but a sip of water is like drowning and just not worth it. not today.

so if you are considering this procedure or are curious about it or think that its the "easy" way out for fatties - this blog will be honest about all the pros and cons. hopefully, we will all learn something from this!