Friday, July 17, 2009

a long day!

i woke up first around 7am, half drunk and half hungover. i bailed on work which i have not done in a long time but it was a necessity.

it was my friends last day at work, she is starting her mba program this fall. so we went to a nearby mexican restaurant and there were pitchers of margaritas that were the most toxic i have ever had. i joked that they were made from paint thinner and turpentine and i do not think i was far off. i still drank too many of them and was already drunk when we made our way to a karoake bar. many many many pitchers of beer later, i was passed out in the back of the cab with a paper bag over my face in case i threw up. good times.

i seriously felt AWFUL today but i was not the only one. everyone was tanked and out too late. messy. it took me hours to convince myself to get up for water and food even though i knew they would make me feel better.

and i had a date scheduled. i pushed it back a few hours to 7pm and was able to pull myself together, throw on a nice dress and put on some make up so i did not look like death. i was not particularly excited about the date but nervous as i have not been on one in a while. not a real one anyway. we met at a place in cobble hill called the chocolate room which is a nice date place. not great for a girl on a diet but fortunately i do not have a super sweet tooth. just some coffee and a chocolate chip cookie and a couple bites of my dates chocolate cake.

so my date. morgan. 28, persian, getting his mba. he did his undergrad in engineering at an international university in cyprus then moved to the us to live with his sister and do his graduate degree. very nice, smart and funny. his profile said he was five foot ten so i was not surprised that he was closer to five foot eight. he is sort of attractive but not the look i generally go for. also, he is on the slim side which makes me feel somewhat self-conscious. but we had a nice time, nice conversation... we are planning to go out again soon. so i guess that means he liked me. and i am willing to see how it goes. definitely a good experience!

i have not been good with the budget the past few days. i charged a pitcher of beer and took out cash today. but i took my cards out of my wallet and kept only half the cash for the next couple days for coffee and toilet paper. the other has to go to some groceries, i am finally running low. going to my sisters tomorrow to help her organize some stuff for ebay - hope to convince her to pay me $10 or with free stuff. and seeing my brother on sunday who owes me $15. so not terrible but not great. i have some reimbursements coming my way soon too so that is also good.

all in all, good stuff.

i have some work to do this weekend and need to work on my paper and some stuff for school which sucks but just two more weeks of class then a FULL MONTH OFF! then post labor day, back to hell. but i am going to enjoy every moment of freedom i have - including going to the gym, free events in the city, hanging out with my niece.

my niece - the love of my life. my six year old niece has autism and i really think that makes me love her more somehow. i am so fiercely protective of her. fortunately, she likes being held and touched and is not a severe case. she is also of normal intelligence thankfully. i just want her to have a good life. at six years old, her idiocyncrasies are not damning but every year that goes by that she is in special education and not really communicating is scary. not everyone is nice or understanding of people who have disabilities and that is what worries me. and her parents of course. but i made a commitment about a year and a half ago that i was going to spend more time with her and build a relationship and i am happy that we have made such progress. my brother is too. i just love her. her long eyelashes, her beautiful face, her smile, her little hands, her obsession with dora and diego, her willfulness... over christmas break, we went to the aquarium in atlanta (stunning) and saw these amazing whale sharks. we talked about the whale sharks a million times. when she saw the fish tanks at the prospect park zoo, she said "whale shark". you never know what is getting through to her at the time but there it was. months later and she made that connection. prompted by her mother, she told me "i love you too" - and i burst into tears. i never thought i would hear those works from her and it just killed me.

autism is a real issue in our world today. we do not know what causes it or why it happens. it is also such a HUMAN condition - i mean, taking away the ability to relate socially for such a social animal... baffling. it happens everywhere and in every culture and every social class. i do not think there is a cure or that we will necessarily know one in our lifetime. all i hope is that she continues to make progress in such a way to live a somewhat independent and satisfying life.

anyway, thats it for now. going to try to do a bit of homework before calling it a night.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

one step forward, one step back

i finally completely broke up with mr. craigslist. he does not want the type of serious relationship i want and likely never will so it needed to happen. still sucks though. i seem to have a habit of meeting and dating men that are commitment-phobic or something. except, they often seem to marry the person they date RIGHT AFTER ME.

anyway, i have a date with someone from on friday after work. i am not that excited about it but i have to get back into the saddle so to speak...

foodwise - okay. i had a little post-breakup pig out but certainly not at the level that it could have been. have to get back on the horse tomorrow (what is with these lame metaphors today!).

i really need to go to the gym but i owe them money and they were not having it. i plan to pay that down soon so i can go. it will help with weight loss and mood and i need that.

the budget is going well mostly. its hard but necessary. i told the bride that i cannot go to vegas for her bachelorette. unfortunately we already have a strained relationship from the past and it just seemed like another inconsiderate move on my part. i do feel bad about it but it is what it is. my friend should be able to move past this and think about what a real friend is - which is rush to her side when she needs me, stay on the phone for hours when she needs it, be her support... but sometimes that doesn't matter, i guess. we will see.

life goes on.

Monday, July 6, 2009

the good life... one day

i feel great. i had a fill today and had some soup for dinner and feel full. i had one cc put into my band, now up to 6 ccs. i am not as restricted as i think i should be but the nurse assures me that we are building up nicely even though i am up one pound. i have my next appt in three weeks.

the budget is good so far. i have told all and sundry about it and everyone is supportive. i just went over the bills with my sister again today and am doing great. once things get further along, my entertainment budget will increase a smidge. i really have to allocate my 401a and 403b but haven't done that yet. rome wasnt built in a day.

as i said before, the budget is also helping me eat healthier. for lunch/snacks tomorrow, i have some tuna salad, a slimfast and a mango. except for my morning coffee "treat" no money spent.

this blog is turning out to be about money as well as weightloss which i did not anticipate but which is just right for me. those are the two areas of my life which i have struggled with consistently and am finally doing something about. i feel hopeful and empowered now which is just amazing.

the weather is beautiful right now so i did some walking today too which also feels good. i am SO tired though. i had too much coffee i think today so the post-caffeine crash is kicking me in the head. going to do some reading, some homework (grad school is no joke) then bedtime!

Thursday, July 2, 2009

a long weekend ahead

so i'm officially ON THE BUDGET. its intense but good. my sister is really helping me. i have an aggressive plan to save and pay down debt.

i canceled my trip to las vegas. it was for a bachelorette that i was ambivalent about to begin with. fun vacay but expensive and i just could not enjoy it. i will tell the bride this weekend and face that wrath. actually just received the bridesmaid dress. $300 and not that nice. i haven't tried it yet but i ordered it before i lost some weight so it looks huge. i am going to wait until a month before the wedding to get it tailored. if i am still in the wedding that is.

this is a long weekend that i have been looking forward to for a while. i need the rest. but its a little sad to not have any plans/not be able to afford plans. but this is nyc - i should be able to find a party or bbq and some free or close to free activities. and if its not too hot, lots of time to walk around the beautiful neighborhood. i can still afford an iced coffee and some people watching after all...

mr craigslist and i have been seeing each other. (he isn't married alix but i did consider that he had a girlfriend or something somewhere!) i really need to cut it off entirely but its hard. dating in this city is hard to begin with and even harder when you don't fit some ideal of beauty. hard but not impossible. i keep looking...

at least my cats love me no matter what i look like or what my breath smells like in the morning!